Don't worry, all is not lost

Chateau Lethbridge recently replaced its oven. It arrived today, all lovely and shiny, though this is only temporary. Billed as a "premium oven for the demanding cook", I had no hesitation in ordering it immediately. What could better suit my needs? It promises to "allow you to cook ambitious meals such as large Christmas dinners with ease!" Hurrah!

As soon as it was plugged in, I immediately started preparing turkey with all the trimmings. Basted and ready to go, I went to put it in, and discovered that it only had one shelf. So, fine for the turkey, but getting the roast potatoes and sundries in, well, I was stuffed, so to speak. Perhaps this is what they meant by ambitious? The old oven had already departed, so no chance to raid its innards for a spare, and as the demanding head chef at Chateau Lethbridge does not go in for single-layer cooking, there was nothing for it, a second shelf had to be sourced.

Thanks to the power of the interweb, I found and googled the part number, and was immediately transported to a website in order to buy it and get on with dinner. Except that the part was out of stock. But don't worry, all is not lost, as you can see below.



Though the specific shelf I needed was unavailable, hopefully they had something that fitted the bill. So let's have a look at similar products. Top of the list is a Karcher pressure washer unloader valve kit for the acclaimed K4 series. Snazzy. But likely to prove problematic for suspending roast vegetables. What's next? Ah-hah, a roller-pivot oven door hinge! Getting closer now, that shelf must be just around the corner - onto similar (even more similar perhaps?) products!

First up, the Braque modular corner sofa. The oven shelf that I require measures 43cm x 38cm. The chic Braque modual corner sofa is 3m x 3m, approximately fifty-five times too large (I am nothing if not precise), not to mention the height of 70cm - the slot in the oven is about 1cm. Add to that the fact that I could find no information on whether the Braque was flame retardant - it does after all need to go in an oven - and I had to reject it.

So how about some wallpaper? Supports casserole dishes with ease, says the blurb. Oh no my mistake, it actually says children can be transported to a magical world under the sea. I think the website designer inhabits a magical world...

Moving on, a Panama chaise, discounted by over £500! Wow, what a saving! Perhaps not ideal for an oven, but for that kind of reduction let's take a look anyway. Clicking on the link reveals the following: "Relax in style with this elegant chaise longue reminiscent of the 18th Century - the most comfortable addition to any oven home". Hmmm.

But wait! Enter the Dulwich right hand facing chaise end sofa from BHS. It is availble "only in Teal fabric" Gosh, unique, whole flocks of crecca, slaughtered for my reclining comfort! A must have! I zoomed in on the picture, looking for the vertical stripe that might indicate that a carolinensis had been in the flock, but no joy. Unless there's a rare involved, then I'm not interested. The fact that its a piece of furniture, and not a stainless steel oven shelf, is frankly irrelevant.

The search goes on.