I am over the Pacific somewhere. Bumpy. Our affable captain
has just drawled that there might be a little chop… Typing has momentarily
become more challenging, but these are the kind of sacrifices I make in order
to bring you this. I am on my way to Maui, there to have a second crack at
I'iwi, and to see lots of brightly-coloured fish, though hopefully not in the
same place, convenient though that would undoubtedly be.
Remember last year some time I did a completely ridiculous
trip out this way, more of an experiment in how to accrue a massive number of
air miles in a very short space of time? Well it turned out I enjoyed it
immensely as I suspected I might, and I didn’t even see an I'iwi! Nonetheless
the fun factor was such that when the next European sale that made it possible
turned up I didn’t hesitate and booked it up immediately. As per last time the routing is fiendlishly
complicated - this is one of those fares that when you’ve gone through all the
legs with the sales agent and the price pops up on their screen there is a
small pause at the other end. I like that pause a lot, but it is also
indicative of my supreme sadness. You probably know this already, but I take
more than a passing interest in flying. Before you say it, this is not full-blown
plane-spotting. Proponents of plane-spotting go and sit in cul-de-sacs near
airports with short-wave radios and notebooks, collecting lists of planes that
fly overhead like, er, twitchers collect birds. I would of course never do
anything like that, jeeesh, I still have a little self respect thank you.
No, my interest is dominated going to fun places and seeing
the world, but along the way I have become ensnared by exploiting frequent
flyer schemes. So whereas a normal person would fly to Los Angeles and then on to
Hawaii in the most convenient manner possible, I work out which way will be
cheapest and earn the most miles, convenience be damned, and do that. Actually
a normal person wouldn’t go to Hawaii for two days even if there was a direct
flight, so yet again I find myself propping up one end of a spectrum,
and not the cool end…. Look, I’m just saying it could be worse. No anorak, no
beard, no notebook. I don’t need a notebook, I’ve got a spreadsheet….
Yes, like all good hobbies there is a master spreadsheet. I’ve
got one for birds which is genuinely a masterpiece, and now I’ve got one for travel.
With pivots and everything. The most recent entries show that I flew to Zurich
after work on Thursday from City Airport, and after a night in some faceless hotel
that I flew back to Heathrow, and then on to Miami where I spent a day in the
Everglades. It also tells me that the means of travel to Zurich was an Embraer
190 that I’ve travelled on seven times before, and that the return trip was on
an Airbus A319 that was entirely new to me. In birding speak this is a “Tick”,
and in my opinion is probably one scale up in the tragic stakes from that.
However thankfully this is where it peaks. Well, mostly. I can also recognise
different sorts planes, just like someone who is interested in cars can spot
different models as they drive past. Or like twitchers can identify rare birds.
Oh, wait…..
 |
| Talking of rare birds, here is something I don't think I could ever bring myself to twitch, a Double-crested Cormorant |
Anyway, Airbus A320 or Boeing 737, there’s no fooling me. So with
that confession out of the way, what’s the point? I’m sensible enough, ish, to realise that it is ridiculous circle, as generally speaking the only thing
you can do with airmiles is use them flying places, and my shiny loyalty card
is of precisely zero use outside of airports. Airlines know this of course, hence
why these schemes exist, but at the cost of some research and a little inefficiency
you can game the system and see the world at the same time. Let me give you an
example that is somewhat more rational than flying to Hawaii for the weekend.
Famille
L is going on holiday to California this summer, a trip we have talked about
for years but never quite managed for one reason or another, mostly cost. As
always when it comes to school holidays the dates are a bit restrictive, and the
airlines know this too, and so to fly direct to Los Angeles on the dates we need would cost
a minimum of £1,176 per person right down the back of the bus on pretty much
any airline you can think of. Were that a realistic option for a family of five (which it isn't),
we would simply leave London for LA on Saturday afternoon and arrive
there on Saturday evening. Easy, but also nearly £6,000, not exactly chump change.
Instead we’re getting
up early on Saturday morning and flying to Stockholm on British Airways on a portion of the miles I am currently racking up on the way to Maui.
After what I hope will be a nice and enriching family day out in Stockholm, we
start our trip to America by flying back to London in the evening and going
home to Wanstead to pack. Bear with me, as whilst it is as stupid as it sounds there is also method in the madness. On Sunday morning we return to the airport and fly to Dallas with
American Airlines (which in something called Main Cabin Extra has far better
leg-room than any competitor, and which thanks once again to frequent flying I can book
for free for all of us) and after a short layover, from Dallas to Los Angeles where we arrive
in the evening. So far we have lost a day of holiday in California, but equally we will
have had a good sniff around Stockholm, which is not to be, er, sniffed at.
On
the way back the direct option leaves Los Angeles on Friday afternoon, and
arrives on Saturday morning, whereupon we could go home, unpack, and use Sunday
to recover ready for work on Monday morning. Pah!! Not for us! These intrepid travellers leave on Friday
morning via Chicago, also arriving in London on Saturday morning, albeit ahead of the direct LA flight. We also go
home and unpack. The big difference is that instead of flopping about at home on
Sunday, we’re off to Gothenburg for the day which thus deposits us in our
starting location of Sweden and meets the criteria of the ticket. We could
somehow “forget” to go to Gothenburg, all be struck down by a mysterious
illness etc, but that’s cheating and does carry the small risk of a gigantic
ticket reprice. On the assumption we do go, I’ve bought some tickets home with
Norwegian for under a hundred quid for the whole family. So the return trip has cost us half a day in
California, and rather than a nice relaxing day at home wondering what time it is, we are exploring another
Swedish city whilst wondering what time it is. We will be totally knackered and it is highly likely that the last thing any of us will wish to do is be in Gothenburg, but tth sweetener is that rather than the unaffordable £6,000 of
the direct option, this way costs under a third of that. A third!! No, I don't really get it either, but I am happy to go with the flow.
Frankly this is a triumph for OCD,
and I’ve just ‘saved’ a huge amount of money, even once you include getting to Sweden and back. This
will pay for our Californian camper van for two weeks, all the petrol, camping at Yosemite and other good places, all the food, as well as side-trips like Whale watching out of
Monterey should I be so lucky. We’ll probably even have a fair bit left over for another trip. It’s
not remotely enough for lunch in Stockholm or Gothenburg of course so we’ll have to take
sandwiches with us on those legs, but even with the considerable extra faff it is a complete no-brainer, and
all made possible by embracing my inner nerd. In fact it is the difference
between doing this trip we’ve talked about for so long and not doing it at all.
And not forgetting that all five of us earn a pile more airmiles for the combined
family stash, enough in fact for another couple of family day-trips to European
cities. I suppose we could have all gone to Bournemouth or wherever, but I want
the kids to have far broader experiences. Taking nothing away from Dorset, but we
all know where having a narrow world view leads…
I am rendered speechless - in a good way!
ReplyDeleteThat is always the aim of this blog!
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