Mr Grumpy

I had a brief conversation with Mrs L last night about last night's blog post. I recounted the broad theme of historical eBird lists with child participants, and also mentioned how I'd had to reread some of the very old posts from well over ten years ago in order to confirm that kiddo had indeed been present. I also threw in, off hand, that my life had been such fun then, full of happiness and joie de vivre. What had changed, I mused? I cannot remember Mrs L's exact response but it was along the following lines.

Yeah you're a grumpy git now and have been for ages.

There is nothing quite like the marital telling it like it is is there? Not that I expected anything different mind you. It is not as if I am unhappy now, but the point is that I was definitely really happy back then. Back when this blog was actually good I was in a pretty decent place, and this shone through in my writing. Or at least I think it did anyway. 

Mrs L did not offer any pearls as to how this state of mind might be recaptured other than to say that exercise and being outdoors a lot more than I am now would definitely help. She may have a point, but back then I could be outdoors the entire day because I didn't have a job. Now I do, and there's definitely an argument to say that this is a contributing factor to being Mr Grumpy. It's a state of mind I think. In my job I am required to be extremely serious, comport myself with gravitas and a high degree of professionalism, and generally be a no-nonsense semi-autocratic voice of reason. This does not translate well into any definition of fun that I am aware of. My point is you cannot simply shake this off on a Friday night and switch it back on on Monday morning, it just doesn't work like that. The person you are at work, the person you are required to be, inevitably becomes part of you whether you like it or not. I am me at work if that makes any sense, I do not pretend to be anyone else, but the lines between me and me have been irrevocably blurred by so many years of doing what I do. I don't think that was the case in my twenties and thirties, my incredible immaturity managed to seep through regardless, but now, in my forties (just...) and with different level of responsibilities than earlier in my career, it has been edged out and this is who I now am. A shame, but I am not sure there is a great deal I can do about it.

Mr Grumpy is here to stay.